As a parent of a child with learning difficulties and autism I am very aware of being out in social situations, both familiar and new to J.
Aware that his behaviours could either cause offence by -
- hand down the trousers/pants
- picking nose and putting fingers in mouth
- burping without trying to stiffle it
- walking/standing too close to someone
- suddenly yelling out random phrases or noises ( a favourite phrase that he yells out is "brush your teeth")
I am always trying to contain him and minimise the shock value for strangers.
Although having a child yell "brush your teeth" in your vacinity is more than a little embarrassing for all concerned, apart from the instigator!
Now, one issue I am always keeping an eye on is him becoming physical. Perhaps with him waving his arms around without care, or perhaps being pushy.
I am lucky that so far he has not exhibited these behaviours in public very much, but that does not mean I am being complacent as I know it can start without warning.
But how do you deal with another child, who also has learning difficulties, who is being quite physical towards you or your child?
For the most, the other parent/carer is on the ball and is quick to remove said child from the situation, offer an apology, and the situation is dealt and over with.
For the child who has a parent offering apologies you can offer sympathy and a knowing nod, not a tut and complaint as some people who are not converse with special needs will do.
But, what to do when a child with learning difficulties is overly aggressive and bordering on violent, but the parent/carer is non-plussed and not prepared to either stop the child or offer any kind of apology.
Instead the parent observes their child hit or kick your child, but just chooses to ignore it, your child and yourself.
This indeed happened to myself and all three of my children.
We were at an activity designed for children with learning difficulties and it was just us and this other child and her mother.
The child was around 6 years old and I could see her level of impairment was on a par with J's.
Firstly O my 4 year old was walloped on his arm by her and had a door slammed in his face. He was upset and hurt (with a red mark on his arm).
The mother just chose to look the other way.
Ten minutes later, her daughter approached the pram, with 6 month old W asleep in it, and lying down facing me, and kicked the back of the pram forcing W to fly forward, wake up and cry. Again the other mother looked at what had occured, but chose to not bother to say anything to either me or her daughter.
Finally, the girl attacked J. She kicked him hard in his shin and pushed him into a wall. An assistant in the activity had to intervene and remove the girl by the arm and take her to the mother, who was observing the event.
Both I and the assistant were silently shocked that yet again no offer of apology or taking charge of her daughter was received.
I do not think it is acceptable that any child should be allowed to be violent and aggresive. A parent / carer has the responsibilty to ensure safety for others. We all know that incidents can occur, but ignoring it and allowing it to continue without apology is something I cannot agree with.
I try to teach my children about respect and responsibility, and even J is expected, by me, to behave with no malice or hurt towards anyone else.
Yes, he has no understanding or compassion for any human being, but that does not give him the licence to go around being abusive. That is down to me to ensure he complies with due respect.
It was a very upsetting experience that was made so by a parent who had no care that my children were being hurt by her child. It appeared to me she almost had a smirk on her face. She was not embarrassed or nervous which might explain her inability to speak up. She just sat there, smirk on face, and let her daughter run amok and cause distress.
