The following entry is of a rather personal issue - toileting, so if you are eating or just have a weak stomach, I'd advise you miss reading it as I talk frankly about it.
I was chatting to a friend the other day and it made me remember how hard it was to toilet train J.
He was still using pull ups at age four. We were given a prescribed amount every three months via the Continence Service (in Cheshire) as he was too big for the regular pull ups on the market. Once these ran out, we were not allowed to order more until a set date. Kind of unfair really and always had me in a panic in the last few weeks before re-order time, as they were dwindling.
At his school we agreed I would send in a tonne of trousers,pants and socks for him, as we had decided to go cold turkey with him on the weeing front.
They said they had a good success rate at this method, (around two weeks) and after the Continence Nurse had failed in getting J to use a toilet (through fact sheets and PECS) I was happy to give it a whirl.
His first day without pull ups at school he only had one accident and used the toilet for the first time.
The second day, and he had no accidents, used the toilet for wees, and from that day, he didn't use the pull ups for wees. We had no accidents and he was happy to use the toilet.
He surprised even the teacher with his swift change of direction and I was so impressed with his efforts.
But, going for a poo was a major drama for him now as he must have clicked that the toilet was the place to do that too, but a wee takes a few second, whereas a poo requires more time and attention, and here his fears began.
We left it for a few months and whenever he needed to go, he would bring me a pull up and I would oblige him with putting it on. He'd perform the business and I'd change him and put him back into regular pants.
But, I knew we had to tackle the issue again as he then became terrified of going for a poo, even in his pull ups.
He started to hold it in. At first it was for a few days, but then this started to turn into a few weeks between him giving in a going.
I can still remember the pain he was in, the smell and the hunched over walk he took to as he couldn't stand up straight.
He would put his fingers inside and fiddle about, making his hands and clothes absolutely stink.
My GP prescribed a liquid laxative for him to take.
Just getting him to take it was a battle in itself, and I must say I tried it and it tasted like liquid candy floss, dusted with icing sugar and topped with some sugar for good measure. Sickly sweet.
I gave him the prescribed dosage. He relented the next day. Hurrah! I thought that would be the end of it.
But no. He then held onto the next lot. Two whole weeks.
He was crying in pain and would rock about on the floor in the foetal position.
I would carry him to the toilet and sit him on it, encouraging him to go. He'd scream and cry and run off in his hunched up manner.
I gave him more laxative solution.
Nothing.
Three days of laxatives,and nothing.
His tummy was growling and he'd be wailing with the pain, but he would not give in.
By day fourteen, we gave him an extra dose of the solution.
At 11pm that night I realised the end was in sight.
I lay in my bed, awake, and listened to him wombling about his room. He'd come out of it onto the landing, and groan. I would go out there and tell him to just give in a go.
This went on for three hours.
At 2AM he let out a huge cry, and I could see him straining and going.
My hubby was awake as well and it was his turn to change him. I stood by consoling J as he was upset but shakily relieved and what he produced looked like an imprint of the colon - all folded around like a concertinaed fan. I have never seen so much in my life and I just do not know how he managed to not just give in sooner.
Unfortunately this was not the end of his refusal to go. But, he never held on for days, rather he'd go when he needed to.
So, we had tackled the refusal to go. How were we going to tackle him using the toilet for it.
We knew he was not scared to wee in it, it was just a matter of him translating this over to the pooing.
We choose not to force him and just let him develop confidence at his own pace.
One evening, just before bed, the husband and I were sitting in the lounge, when I heard a toilet flush. I made the husband sprint into the bathroom to see what J had done, and he was greeted by a smell! Not very nice to read, but bloody marvellous to us!
We praised him like never before and then had to calm it down as he was getting scared of our over exuberance.
But, from that evening on, he never needed the pull ups again. He has always used the toilet. I never had to prompt him either.
I do believe our 'back off' approach worked.
All we have to deal with nowadays is his occasional weeing in the garden (which has died down since my blog about it) and his weeing on the upstairs hall carpet ( the only carpet in the house as the other floors are all wood - as it is easier to clean vomit up, than off of a carpet and as he is a serial vomitter I got fed up of stained carpets and the smell lingering).
Oh and he still has to be monitored to be hygienic when using the toilet as we have had smearing incidents and using towels as a wipe. But, when I think back to his refusal days I see how bad he got before we started to move forward.
