These well meaning, but rather innapropriate sayings get on my wick.
How do I cope? Well, like any other mother, when confronted with a child presenting with a disability. You just do.
Yes, many, like me, may have a period of sadness, when we reflect over our pregnancies, deliveries, the early days (did we breastfeed or bottle feed), the immunisations and so on.
But, until there is definitive scientific proof of why autism occurs, and why, it appears, it is on the increase, we can only speculate, and some, like me, lay blame at something that happened.
For me, I have narrowed it down to either of the following :
1) throughout my pregnancy I craved tuna. Canned or fresh, I had to have it daily. I even wrote to John West and told them how much I was spending on their cans and they sent me vouchers as a thank you! - gosh I had way too much time on my hands back then!
2) the delivery, when he got stuck and had to be yanked from me by a ventouse, not breathing.
Now, the tuna issue has arisen since then in the media and by government guidelines for pregnant women.
Back in 2001/2002 there were no such warnings on eating this fish.
When I was pregnant again in 2005/2006, I was informed that pregnant women could eat a maximum of 3 large cans of tuna a week, and not allowed to eat shark or marlin.
This was because of the mercury levels in the fish.
Mercury has been linked to learning difficulties in developing fetuses.
When pregnant recently, this was now down to two small cans of tuna per week.
I avoided tuna in both the last pregnancies because I was linking my huge consumption with J, to his autism.
Pregnant women are advised to not have amalgam fillings removed or replaced due to the mercury risk. Instead they should either wait, or have white fillings put in if needed.
I refused to have the swine flu jab when pregnant because it had a mercury preservative in it.
Now, as our seas are becoming more polluted, and the mercury issue is becoming a problem with fish and is also present in our modern lives, perhaps this may explain the rise in autism.
Or perhaps there is a rise, not in the actual number of children born with autism, rather a rise in the understanding and diagnosing of it. Nowadays, children are not written off as 'trouble makers' or 'thick' as there is so much more understanding of such disabilities as dyslexia, ADHD, Aspergers and autism.
What I have certainly noticed over the last few years is the plethora of information available and the t.v producers creating more programmes showing the lives of people living with autism.
One day, I hope that the knowledge and understanding of autism is so wide spread, that we never have to experience the rude and ignorant, who feel it is their right to pass judgement or comment on a childs behaviour.
As for the well meaning, who automatically think there is a cure available, when I explain there is'nt, they seem to be a little lost for words and come out with such gems as "oh well, you'll love him just the same". Well, yes of course I will, he is my son and after all, I carried him, birthed him, held him close to me, sang him songs, dreamed of what his future may have held, and just because his life path has not taken the route I once thought, it does'nt mean I love him any less. The love can be tested to its very limits at times, with me feeling completely overwhelmed and unable to cope, but with a hubby to cry to, who can support me in times of me feeling low, I always come through on top and raring to carry on, all guns blazing.
All mothers are special. We create and carry life. We love and nuture our babies. We encourage them to learn and develop. We always worry about them, no matter what age they are. We feel tremendous guilt, sometimes over the silliest things. But, whether we have a child with a disability or not, we love them with a passion and pain that drives deep into our hearts and is at the core of our living.
