This day nine years ago I discovered I was pregnant with J.
It was my first ever pregnancy and my first ever positive test.
I can still remember where I was, what time and my reaction to seeing a blue cross appear instead of just a line (how Clearblue used to work back then!).
In the evening, after doing two more tests, I popped them into an envelope, which I then popped into an oven dish. The oven dish went into the (not turned on) oven.
When hubby came home I told him that I had been busy cooking and that he needed to see the bun in the oven I had made. He looked into the oven, quizzically looked at the envelope, looked a little perturbed at what this was all about, opened the envelope and a huge grin appeared on his face!
Such happy memories.
I was ecstatic.
Fast forward nine years and I have three children now.
Each and every child was planned for and wanted (including my beautiful Angel Baby - C).
If I had the opportunity to go back in time and change the dates of conception so that J would not be here, and thus autism would not be in our life, I would not.
J is and always has been meant for me and I for him.
He was chosen as my child so that I could learn about life other than through EastEnders or Coronation Street. He is a gift from God and one that even when times are hard and I am stressed, I never ever wish was not here.
I believe J was given to me as I am a very forthright person. I have learned to not be afraid to speak up and to educate those with little or no knowledge of autism and learning difficulties.
I can see the good in even the most bad of times and I can laugh when a lot of others would be crying. I can look at J and see a child who is locked inside his own head. It is my duty to help ease his traumas and to let him live a happy and safe life.
I can see positives in J and do not think he is an anchor pulling me down in a stormy sea of unknown.
I can spot a person with autism a mile away. They always bring such a huge smile to my face, and by that I mean in a positive way, not because I am laughing at them.
I just naturally gravitate towards them and them to me.
I can look back upon my childhood and teenage years and can remember a few occasions meeting high functioning and low functioning autists, even though back then I did not know that was what they had.
I found myself befriending them and treating them as a person and not an affliction.
In my future I will be trying my hardest to still fight for every autist and their rights and make sure my son has an amazing life.
So I believe God looked down and saw me at ease and total normality around autism and chose me to have my very own autist. J is very lucky to have me (!) and I him.
