Going back around eighteen months ago, we went through an organisation that offered respite for special needs children.
The office that ran the respite would find suitable families that wanted to offer their home and their time to SN children. These people had to go through a three month waiting period, where they had to pass certain criteria and meet the standard expected.
J was matched up with a new family. They were a husband and wife of retired age. This was their first match and they were looking forward to meeting J and getting started as soon as they finished the three month wait.
When we went to visit their house it became clear they had a lot to learn about special needs. They had prized china on display in an easy to reach cabinet, figurines and glass wear, all at child level.
They experienced the J effect within minutes as he swept through the house trying to find the toilet and the exit routes.
J has to know there is a working toilet and that he can get out to the garden wherever he visits.
We started off slowly with hour long visits (and me not staying).
We progressed to three hourly visits.
The time that I was there at drop off and collection, I noticed that the husband would follow J everywhere. He was J's shadow. Even if J was going to the toilet he would be watching him. I am not implying anything inproper by this, more so that the man did not trust J and wanted to make sure he was never out of his sight.
Unfortunately, J does not like being followed and gets quite upset and noisy (making "neeerrrrrrrr" sounds).
I did mention this to the co-ordinator but it did'nt really change much.
J never felt he could relax in their house and it made my decision to withdraw him from the set up easier when the co-ordinator was pushing for me to let him stay overnight. Would the husband be on guard outside his bedroom waiting for J to dare to move?
I felt the couple had gone into this with the notion they were going to be saviours to special needs children. But what they had'nt really thought about was that special needs children are not just physically disabled. I think they were very shocked to be confronted by learning difficulties.
They were nice people, but not suitable for J, for his needs, and for his ways.
