I find it very awkward when presented with a person/s who are insistent that we go out for a meal with them and their children and myself and all my children,that includes J.
It is invariably friends of my hubby who are inviting us out. He does give a brief explanation that J has special needs or autism, but this is always met with a "oh that does'nt matter, it'll be fine, just bring him along, we don't care".
Well it does in fact matter. It matters a lot when I am made to feel that I am playing up the behaviours of J when in public.
Why should J be put under stress to behave a certain way in social settings which always make him become noisy, rude ("poo poo, shut up" etc) and create stress and upset for myself and most probably everyone surrounding us?
'Special needs', the phrase, is not giving a good enough insight for people as to what your child is actually enduring and what can happen/does happen when put under pressure.
Autism is another word that many more people have heard of these days, but as it is a huge umbrella of impairments, no two autists are the same with their behaviours, abilities, needs and skills.
So if someone has met or has an autist in their family (but not a close daily contact family member) they tend to use this as a marker for all autists and so when they hear of someone with autism they think they know exactly how that child/adult will be.
I feel I have to explain to these people more in depth the deep reasons for me not wanting to present him to the public in such a social setting. I have to explain what he will do, what he will say, how he will be with other people etc.
A typical family pub outing would be as follows :-
- locate where the cola is
- drink the glass of cola given to him in one swoop
- ask for "cola cola"
- yell for "cola cola"
- spy cola on another table
- sneak over to table
- touch his groin area (he does this a lot lately)
- attempt to steal cola from table
- cry out when pulled back
- scream "cola cola"
- get given another cola
- drink it as if it will evaporate otherwise
- spy some beer
- attempt to steal beer
- throw himself on the floor
- lift his top up
- screech out loud
- yell "poo poo, poo poo"
- go to the toilet
- run the taps on full blast
- fill the sink with toilet paper and water
- make stressy noises when pulled back
Repeat this over and over again, the decibel of screaming gaining, the tension mounting, the stress levels filtering over into sweat and red boiling faces, the sadness of the tutting and staring from strangers.
Why would I want to put J, myself, my other children and other people through this?
"It does'nt matter?"
Yes it bloody well does.
So that is why I will not be made to feel guilty for taking him out to a family pub for a meal or a restaurant, as it is not a pleasant experience, it is not fun and it is most certainly not enjoyable for anyone.
And if after that full-on explanation I am still met with doubt, then I may just suggest they take him out for me. They do say the best way to learn is through experience!
