There is a presumption that all mums of special needs children should be best pals, life long buddies, best friends forever. With our connection to each other, by way of our children, there should never be any falling out, or ostracising of one from the 'group'.
This is, and you most probably already know the answer, a complete fallacy.
Just because there is a common denominator linking us all together, there is still the character, belief, attitude, manners, opinions, and kindness that is ever present within the other mums.
For some this is positive and binds a friendship together. For others this segregates them apart.
Why is there this expectation that we should all be best buds?
Should every person with a moustache be best friends, just because they share a likeness for growing facial hair?
As an example, there are some incredibly rude OAPs about. It shocks some people, because they expect an older person in their 70's and above to be kind and caring, not miserable with a bad attitude.
But the rule of thumb is ; a young person with a bad attitude will grow into an OAP with a bad attitude. They don't suddenly gain a free bus pass and morph into a cuddly, lavender smelling little old lady. If they have spent their life swearing at random strangers, drinking gin with no tonic, despising everyone else, and making others lives a misery, there is a strong betting that they will be doing exactly the same in their twilight years, albeit with less speed.
I apply this to the circle of special needs parents. Just because we share something in common, it doesn't automatically make that person 'better' than before. The personality and opinions are still their own, and if they are a brash, rude, opinionated person, they don't suddenly become kind, polite, and helpful.
I do not dispute that some very solid and life long friendships are made via the connection, that otherwise may not have happened, due to paths not crossing. But there are some you just want to take a huge side step from. Don't feel guilty for that. We can't like everybody, all of the time.
What I will say though is, allow yourself to make your own mind up about someone. Don't let gossip be the deciding factor. Trust you own instincts, make an effort to talk to everyone. As in your school days gone by, there will always be a 'playground mentality' of a minority of parents. The looks. The gossip. The cliques. Remembering you are an adult, and not becoming the ring leaders next target just from being yourself, keep on with your head held high, and know that not everyone wants to be your friend just because of the 'similarities of circumstances'.
I can guarantee though that you will meet some amazing women. The kind of woman that has an inner strength of a thousand World's Strongest Men, the ability to see the lighter side of life, the humour to make others smile on a down day, and who multi-tasks beyond belief - and usually all before 11am!
Hold those friendships close. Even the most positive mother will have some dark days. She will be relying on her close friends to be there for her, even if she is trying her hardest to hide that fact.
The world of special needs is always easier when you have someone else living there too.
