J has been really responsive over the last two weeks or so.
One morning, he walked into my bedroom, and I automatically said "good morning J", and where as he has always replied repeating back "good morning J", this time he looked straight at me and said "good morning mummy". I was awe struck. He'd never replied to me in the correct form before. It felt really good.
J has never wanted cuddles or kisses. He has always been given them though, despite his nonchalance towards it. He usually stands still as you cuddle him, no movement or return of the cuddle. When he is asked to give someone a kiss, he makes a dramatic "mwah" sound and bends his head towards the person, but doesn't make contact.
The other day I could tell he was looking for the iPad. I stood in the doorway in the hall, and pointed to where I had left it on charge in the playroom. He went and unconnected it, and walked back to me, leaned in, and gave me a peck on the cheek, and said "thank you mummy". I am sure I stood still for a good minute, not quite believing what had taken place. Again, he had never proffered kisses, and never said thank you for something, unless prompted to do so, to which it would be an almost echolalia reply.
J's usual iPad use is for YouTube and watching all the old children's shows he loves, or for taking endless photos of exactly the same object.
There are games apps on there too. These are ones my middle son, O, aged 7, plays. J has opened the game apps up before, but never played them.
One early evening, when my middle son was away for the night, I could hear the familiar tinny music coming from one of the game apps. I popped my head in to J's room, and he was sitting there playing an app called 'Subway Surf'. He wasn't just messing around with it, he was actually playing it, correctly. I thought nothing more about it, until my middle son was back and took the iPad to play. He called out, asking who had been playing that game, and I took a deep breath, waiting for the onslaught of shouting at me for letting J play it. But instead of hearing the yells of complaint, he was really pleased. The gold coin count had increased massively. J had been collecting them during each go. O was actually pleased about it, which made a refreshing change for me.
It is hard to be a sibling of a brother with quite severe learning difficulties, and he has witnessed many an outing where strangers stare, tut, make hurtful comments, and condemn me for my poor skills at being a mother.
Only very recently, at the local beach, a man in his 60's suddenly started verbally assaulting J. J had had the nerve to stand near the man's car, which was parked right up to the pebbles at the beginning of the beach. The shouting from this man caught the attention of a father sitting with his children. He stood up and sort of gave me a look, questioning if I needed any help.
I have become pretty used to this kind of behaviour from strangers, so I calmly informed him J had special needs, and was not a threat to him or his car. This mans wife then attacks me with the kind of accent that makes someone from The Only Way is Essex, sound intellectual. She yelled that her husband was dying from cancer. I again calmly said that although that was sad, it had nothing to do with their behaviour towards my child. On and on they ranted. The father was still watching, and headed over in our direction, casually, not striding, and asked me if I needed help. He was willing to call the police and be a witness to the attack. I declined. J and I were bearing the brunt of this couple's anger at the cancer. It was just the wrong place, wrong time for us to be there.
O was standing by watching this. It is not healthy for children to be around such anger and confrontation, so I understand he gets frustrated, and can take that out on his siblings.
Going back to J, he was on one of our rambles in the forest, and I gave him the chance to decide which path to take. Usually either O or W, his youngest brother, aged 3, make the decision. On this occasion J stood at a cross path and said very clearly, "we go this way" in a very sing song kind of voice.
It's been very well received by me, and I hope J can understand that. I can liken it to the pride a parent feels when their first born smiles properly for the first time, or gives a full on belly laugh to your funny face pulling or exclaims of "boo!".
