A lot has been happening these last few weeks. I haven't found the time to sit down and write an entry, and must say I haven't had much of an inclination to even try.
Not going into too many details, I have cancer, one that is under control, and one that is not going to wear me down.
I have had a lot to cope with on the J front too. He has been very noisy, flappy, screaming, and changing moods from extreme happiness to extreme upset.
I couldn't figure out what was causing this. I am usually adept at picking up on what has caused him stress, with many of the incidents being fairly minor, although they are not minor to him.
I had wondered if he was stressed due to him being a part of the annual Rock Challenge performance.
I did withdraw him from the performance as I felt his emotional well being was being hampered.
Unfortunately, he continued to be very hyper and stressed. I began monitoring his moods. Weekday mornings were fine. He ate breakfast, was happy to get ready for school, and was always raring to get going with T, his escort on the transport bus. In the afternoon, around 4pm, when he returned from school, T would tell me he had been a happy boy on the bus, and no trouble.
But, once settled back home, he would become increasingly loud, repetitive in requests, becoming upset at the slightest thing, spitting, and self harming - head banging and skin pinching.
Weekends were filled with noise, flapping, self harm, crying..... almost non stop. He had a phrase he repeated over and over again, loudly, and with intonation, - "Sit down Joseph". He is a very good imitator of people's voice tones, and so when he shouted it, and shouted it with an exasperated tone, I knew his teacher had been shouting it at him! He also never requested to "do lunchbox, yes", something which he had always requested, wanting to be ready for school, and wanting to go to school. This was out of character.
It was then I began to think it was school related. I have had a few doubts about the quality of teaching that J receives, moreso the attitude of his teacher, for whom I get the impression she dislikes J, and will not accept he needs a lot more support and care than she was willing to give.
I have repeated to her over and again that J will not tell me messages. If she tells him to tell me something, he won't! Not because he either forgets, or cannot be bothered, but because he can't - he does not have the cognitive ability, and never has, and despite being told by me so many times, she refused to believe this. I missed so many important meetings, events, special fun days, because no letter or message in his 'home/school' book was left, and instead J was told the information - precisely why I never found out anything until it had happened, or on the day/ day before, when a reminder text message was sent by the school.
After yet another unpleasant telephone call from his teacher, where she said his spitting was getting out of hand and that he had to have learned this from home, I had had enough.
She had made accusations before this, and I knew right then I had to go in and speak to the Head teacher. For the record, he began spitting a few months ago, and no one in my family spits - it is a disgusting habit and I abhor seeing people freely lobbing their sputum about on the pavement or out of their car window, whether they are trying to appear 'cool' in front of their friends, or they are simply someone with poor manners and a disregard for anyone else - use a tissue if you have to spit something out! There are a lot of children at his school who have unsociable habits, and this is one of them, for which he has copied from.
The meeting I had with the Head went very well. I may come across as bossy on my blog, but I am always articulate and polite in person. I never shout, or lower myself to personal slurs or comments.
It has been agreed that J is struggling with the class he is in. He is not at a capable level of coping there.
My request to move him to a smaller group, with higher staff ratio, and a teacher with better skills at working with children like J who have severe communication difficulties and cognitive understanding, was agreed. He said that there had been a small conversation about moving him to a smaller class recently, as J appeared unhappy, and my visit had compounded this belief.
He will be going from a class of twelve pupils, to a class of six to eight pupils, and a pupil/staff ratio of 2-1 and not 4-1 as he has been having.
He will also be moved into a class which has his soul mate in, the girl I have written about on this blog before. I am in the process of composing another blog entry about this girl and J, and will hopefully be finished in a few days.
This class move was mooted to be arranged for September, the new school year, but I was firm that this had to be implemented and ready for the new term, when the school re-opens after the Easter break.
I reminded the Head that J is never going to be a nuclear physicist and that schooling for him is about learning day to day tasks, not Pythagoros' Theorem. Expecting him to be at a level that is unattainable for his abilities is more damaging, and will not work.
There will be parents out there that disagree with me, and want their child pushed, forced to learn, in the hope their child will become 'clever', but I happen to believe that J is intelligent, just read over some of my blog entries to see this, but his intelligence is focused on everyday living rather than being able to spell 'floccinaucinihilipilification' and use it correctly within a sentence. Ironically this word means 'the action or habit of estimating something as worthless' - something a lot of pushy parents exhibit!
Time will tell as to whether the class move has solved the stress issue for him. I am aware that puberty is in full swing for him, and that testosterone is raging through his body, but I am hopeful this new class will alleviate a lot of the root cause, and in turn help him cope with the physiological changes occurring to his body.
