Throughout my journey into autism and the way it affects J, I have learnt many things which can trigger off melt downs, tempers, screaming (both the happy and upset screaming) and dangerous things such as ponds or main roads.
I find that certain quarters expect J and myself to go out of our way to accomodate them. As an adult with my own mind, common sense, and a tired brain having to deal and cope with the 24/7 ups and downs of J, I now no longer allow 'guilt trips' to be administered or double edged comments from those that should know better.
I understand J. He knows I understand him. He trusts that I will not put him into a situation where it would end with me continually saying " no J come back, no J stop doing that" et cetera.
Of course certain situations are unavoidable, such as the recent melt down at his brothers school. There was no way around this event as I have no family close by, and even if I did I have doubts the help would be proffered anyway (apart from my own mum, who by the way is a fantastic nanna to her grandsons and after 32 years has become my best friend).
I get quite angry now when hints are made that I should be taking J, and the other children also, to places out of my comfort zone. Places that have obvious dangers of water, are close to busy roads or are not really tailored for children, which would not just present a risk to J soley. Places where I would be left to care for all three children as I am the boring one who does not drink alcohol and so is deemed a party pooper (or holder of a clean liver which ever way you want to look at it!)
Holidays need to be planned for and I have to ensure they are suitable for children. I would'nt dream of taking them on holiday to a place where adults drank too much alcohol on a daily basis and became spiteful with it and it came down to me having to be the only responsible adult around - that is not a holiday for me!
Why would anyone want to be put through this? It would not be fun and no-one would enjoy themselves.
I have places that are tried and tested. An example is that I will not take the children to a playground in the middle of the day on a school holiday or weekend. I tried a trip out again today and it was awful and proved my point. J did'nt understand that you can not stand close to the swings and freak the mums out with your stares. He was trying to push his way onto equipment and I had to remove him for his own safety. Of course this then affected O as it was not fair for him to leave, but I turned the trip into a magical walk amongst the leaves and O had to count how many leaves there were on the ground - a never ending task!
It seems until others have experienced a melt down or hectic behaviour from J, when out in public, and have to deal with it alone, they have little compassion for me, and have even been known to be spiteful with words to others. J may not be aware of the bullies in this world (and they come in all shapes and sizes, short and tall, men and women, old and young) but I am, and I do not allow them to behave in this negative and hurtful manner - I will always speak my mind and not be told I am silly or stupid - especially in my own home (not that my hubby ever has spoken to me like that - he has respect).
