Does J hold grudges? Does he take something innocuous and innocent and harbour resentment?
Speaking for him I would have to say no.
Does he build up scenarios in his head and create a false persepective with which to fill his own agenda?
Again no.
He may be a human being, but he does not use his brain in this way as many neuro-typical humans do. He accepts people for who they are and does not look to try to find fault and blame.
What a wonderful quality to have.
We all have our own ways to do things. We parent in our own style. We romance and love our partners in our own way. Which way is right though? Is there a perfect formula to achieve perfection? Or rather, if a couple, a parent, a sibling, can muddle along, happy in their own family, is this perfect, for them? It may appear to observers that this dynamic is not tenable, but then, to fully be able to judge another, one must have walked a 1000 miles in the shoes of those they think less of.
And even then, to judge another is more of a personal vendetta than a humane and kind act.
I have heard the "oooohs" (or that sucking in of breath with which to make a judgement with sound and not word) when I make commands to J. Yes, you read right, commands. I could fluff and pander around with long silly sentences or cut to the quick and actually use brief words that J would understand. Remember his autism disables him from discerning specific words amongst a tirade of them and so quick and simple commands count for more productivity and less stress.
I have had the dramas and battles of autism for a good six years now ( when it became an issue as he must have had it from birth but the first 30 months were not so much a struggle) and so I find dramas and battles from adults intolerable and a waste of good human contact.
I used to belong to a few online mum forums. The ones that have debates and gossip and a general meet up of mums who (for the most) have never met in 'real life'. I have since departed these forums as I could not cope with the bickering, sniping, miscontruing, and general womanly bitching that always seems to be amongst an all female environment. For the good, they did provide me with moral support and advice when I was low, and I met some very lovely and genuinely kind women, but I think as I grew older, and gained my own personal drama boy, I could not find the strength to muster up replying to posts that demanded a debate that would be set out for one sided arguments ( where whatever you say will be wrong or taken out of context).
I have been married for nearly nine years now. Nine years. That may not be half way to a silver anniversary, but in this day of throw away celebrity marriages I think it is pretty bloody good. Considering we have a lot to cope with and do not get much 'us' time, we just seem to make it work. Yes, we bicker and argue, but how unhealthy would it be if we hid our feelings and never vented our frustrations? The strength of our relationship is the key to our success. I trust him and he trusts me. I love him and he loves me. Simple. This basic common sense to relationships is how J is about me. He trusts me implicitly. He loves me ( even though he can only echolalic those three words to me).
I was 22 when I first met my husband. I was young. I was naive. I had baggage. He had baggage.
We got a place together and stored our baggage together in a cupboard, opening every so often to remove some and replace with our own memories. Now, a decade and a bit later, we are one. We are united and stand strong against people that try to hurt us or our children.
In our little family unit we have created, we are one and the same. J may not fit the 'ideal' of family life, but he is our family and always will be.
