I stopped feeling guilty about his special day, several years ago. The guilt used to be centred around trying to give him a traditional birthday with lots of presents, which I knew he would not want or like, or appreciate the effort that had been put in. Of course guilt also came in the form of well meaning people who looked surprised when I said that his birthday was just another day to him, albeit with cake, and presents which he discarded to one side without a "thank you".
J had seen the cake I brought home the day before, and I told him - "no cake today, cake tomorrow".
I hoped he'd understand and not get upset that he wasn't having cake there and then.
I had to ensure the kitchen door was kept locked at all times though, as he has learnt the skill of removing food from a cupboard, with the stealth of an SAS operative.
On the morning of his birthday, he woke me with the usual morning question - "do your cereal, yes" - which is his way of asking me to okay him to go and do his breakfast.
When he came back upstairs, he hovered about me, and I asked him what he wanted. He replied - "J birthday cake, yes". I laughed and said yes, it's J's birthday and he can have some cake a little later.
When it came time for his presents, he knew what to do. Paper was torn off with gusto. I had bought him a scooter, with a wide foot plate, so he has more balance on it. I built it there and then for him, and he took it straight out into the garden and scooted around.
Cards were opened with little interest, and he didn't take in their picture, or open them to read. He left them on the side. No offence is taken by this - it's just the way J is.
J just wanted cake. Cake with candles on. He kept on looking at it in the box, and looking at me as if to say, "come on mum, let me have some cake!"
His face lit up when he finally saw me getting it all ready.
His face lit up when he finally saw me getting it all ready.
He understands the rules of waiting until the rendition of 'Happy Birthday' has been sung, before blowing the candles out. And then he knows the candles have to be re lit again so that his younger brothers have the chance to blow them out. It's the same routine for every birthday cake we have!
We went on a boat trip that afternoon. The small boat we have been on before, which is specifically for children and adults with disabilities. We were taken up very close to several cruise liners that were in port, including the biggest cruise liner at present, The Harmony of the Seas.
J and his brothers were allowed to steer the boat at one point. J started to take his responsibility as captain very seriously and attempted to use the radio communication!
His birthday may not have been typical of a 14 year old's one, but he enjoyed himself and didn't become stressed. That's a win win in my eyes.
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| Waiting by the harbour, watching all the boats, with his youngest brother. |
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| Having a go at steering the boat. |
