You know when you read about autism and the tell tale signs, do you ever look back to when your child was a baby and toddler, before perhaps you became worried (or other people/professionals told you they felt something was not quite right) and realise there were signs?
With J being my first born I was a little green in parenting. Yes I had the books and the parenting magazines to read, but there is always a get out clause of 'every child is different and reached milestones at different times'.
I found a parenting style all by myself which felt natural to me and fitted well for J too. At that time there was no name for it but nowadays it is called 'attached parenting' or 'AP'. I do not adhere to every 'AP' mantra however as I found my own groove without reading about it first.
I remember clearly one cloud free blue sky spring morning, out walking the dog (not with us now) and pushing J in his pushchair, and a plane went over us, making noises, and I said "look J a plane" and pointed. He had no interest. He did'nt look up to see what the noise was or at my pointing.
At the time I thought it strange as my book said they would be very interested in their surroundings and look to things being pointed at or that made noises. But, I had no knowledge of autism and so the thought it was a little odd never took issue with me.
When he was a toddler he loved to stack VHS tapes (not that long ago were they?!!) up in to a giant tower. Over and over again, day in day out he loved doing that.
The same for wooden bricks.
Another gem gleamed from the books was that he should notice if I was wearing a hat or a towel on my head. He could'nt have cared less and took no notice or even seemed bothered. Just the other day baby W looked perturbed by my towel on my washed hair and was unsure it was me until I spoke to which he grinned - and my heart went "phew, another positive sign that he is not autistic",
J never had a temper tantrum. Never. He was placid and accepting of everything. He was'nt bothered if he lost a toy. He sure has made up for it now though with his meltdowns.
He was able to complete a 26 piece 'lift out' alphabet puzzle (sometimes 25 piece if the dog had gotten hold of it) in record time. He could do it upside down as well. I used to say to people who watched him to look how he scanned every piece on the floor and just zipped through picking them up and placing them in their respective holes. This was at age eighteen months!
He never put his arms out to be picked up. He never made noises as if to say he wanted to be picked up.
He never pointed.
At around twenty months old he went for a hearing test as we thought he was deaf by his lack of communication and lack of awareness to being spoken to. He passed.
He never liked to share an activity. Not share as in turn taking rather looking at a book together or helping me to do something. He hated looking at books with anyone in fact. He would walk away from you if you tried to join in in what he was looking at.
One day I was carrying a friends child who was two days younger than he was and they were nearly two years old. I was talking to this child and they made noises and facial gestures that implied to me they understood me or at least acknowledged me. It struck me then that J was not doing that at all.
Then after that it becomes hazy as we moved and saw different professionals, but one incident which stays with me was around the age of two years and three months, when, at a toddler group for lonely mums, a lady whose job it was to befriend us newbies asked me about J. I explained he was going to see a paediatrician and she said "oh I expect it's autism". I said "no, no, it's not that", even though I did'nt know what it was! I was shocked she had made a claim and I did'nt know about it and I was in denial that he had anything more serious than just a lack of communication - nothing a bit of the impending speech therapy would'nt cure (!).
Unfortunately, when you have a first born with autism, you look at your next children with close inspection and manic fears.
When pregnant with O and J was still at the assessment centre (even though we all knew it was autism by then) I had found out O was a boy. This opened the floodgates to those around us in the autism world that this baby would have a one in four chance of having it too, how did I feel about having another boy (?) etcetera.
O was watched by me closely for signs. But, as if to reassure me, from such a young age as well, he did everything 'normal'. At aged four weeks he hated being in his pram and loved to be carried up right to see around him. He pointed at ducks, and dogs, and planes and lorries when sitting up in his pushchair.
He grunted and squeaked when he wanted something. He loved to look at books with us and shared the story without crawling / walking off.
Again, this time round with baby W I got the comments on having another boy. The risks.
And yes I am on high alert for the 'signs'. But, even with his sight condition, he is reaching out, not pointing as such, but the hand is going in the direction of something he sees and wants to touch. He notices me wearing my glasses and will grin and swipe them off with the speed of a leopard.
Time will tell of course but naturally I am hoping he is another O and goes on to prove to me he is.
