How do you deal with having a child with a disability?
I am sure as time has progressed from the initial worries and concerns something was not right (I hate saying that as it sounds as if our children are wrong, but they are not, they are just different and special) or from a test or scan in pregnancy, to the present day of living day in and day out with the diagnosis and more harder the reality that there is no cure and no magic pill.
I have been in the pit of despair,when I have had no idea what to do to help J, what he needs when he is having a meltdown, or when we have been stared at and judged by random strangers with nothing better to do than be interfering miserable sods.
Now though I find myself just accepting the situation.
I have adapted to his ways and his needs.
He won't sit down to eat his meals or snacks. He paces and eats. He does this at school as well ( as I saw him once when I popped in). Once upon a time I would have been there making him sit, listening to his cries and noises, but perservering. He would become so upset it could not continue so I let it be. Peace was preserved. So what if those lovely yummy mummies think it terrible that he does not sit down at a table. I would rather he be happy, than screaming, but conforming to their ideal.
I don't know if it is because I am so alert to learning difficulties, but lately I have seen so many more children and adults out and about (with family/carers not alone).
I was in Tesco the other week looking at DVDs. I suddenly hear this "ner ner" noise and this young lad veers towards me (I have the baby in the papoose carrier). I know he has autism as he is so like J. The dad comes haring round the aisle and firmly tells him to leave me alone. I just smile and say it's fine, I understand , I have my own autist at home, and he has this look of relief on his face, as if he was expecting a tut.
Later on when I am queueing, I spot the boy having a go at a computer game which is on for customers to try out. It was so lovely to see him absorbed in the jumping up and down with the character on screen and making happy noises.
It made me wonder how they felt having a child with autism. How they dealt with his ways and needs. How brave they were to bring him out (as I am not brave anymore) and how they were quick to swoop when he escaped their view.
They looked like lovely parents, if a little tired ( but don't we all?!).
I hope when people see me with J they think I am a good mum to him. I know some think (I know because I have been told by them) that I should not have had more children as it is not fair to J. But I love being a mum and if it was possible I would have another in a heartbeat.
