Another Amazing Drawing by My Boy

                              How awesome is this drawing?!

 

 

J drew this today, and I was alerted by my mother to its existence, so I was able to get a photo of it before he erased it.
I know I always say this, but, I love being able to 'see' inside his mind. He communicates this way.
He has drawn a boy, with tears rolling down his face, eyes closed, and a sad, downturned mouth.
On the right is a girl - it looks like a dress he has drawn so I am presuming its a girl. She is smiling and happy. They are also holding hands.
I have asked him who it is, and he just replies, "sad" as he points to the sad face, and "happy", and points to the smiling face.
My Boy is amazing!

Best Mummy Friends ' Just Because of the Connection'?

There is a presumption that all mums of special needs children should be best pals, life long buddies, best friends forever. With our connection to each other, by way of our children, there should never be any falling out, or ostracising of one from the 'group'.

This is, and you most probably already know the answer, a complete fallacy.
Just because there is a common denominator linking us all together, there is still the character, belief, attitude, manners, opinions, and kindness that is ever present within the other mums.
For some this is positive and binds a friendship together. For others this segregates them apart.

Why is there this expectation that we should all be best buds?
Should every person with a moustache be best friends, just because they share a likeness for growing facial hair?

As an example, there are some incredibly rude OAPs about. It shocks some people, because they expect an older person in their 70's and above to be kind and caring, not miserable with a bad attitude.
But the rule of thumb is ; a young person with a bad attitude will grow into an OAP with a bad attitude. They don't suddenly gain a free bus pass and morph into a cuddly, lavender smelling little old lady. If they have spent their life swearing at random strangers, drinking gin with no tonic, despising everyone else, and making others lives a misery, there is a strong betting that they will be doing exactly the same in their twilight years, albeit with less speed.

I apply this to the circle of special needs parents. Just because we share something in common, it doesn't automatically make that person 'better' than before. The personality and opinions are still their own, and if they are a brash, rude, opinionated person, they don't suddenly become kind, polite, and helpful.

I do not dispute that some very solid and life long friendships are made via the connection, that otherwise may not have happened, due to paths not crossing. But there are some you just want to take a huge side step from. Don't feel guilty for that. We can't like everybody, all of the time.

What I will say though is, allow yourself to make your own mind up about someone. Don't let gossip be the deciding factor. Trust you own instincts, make an effort to talk to everyone. As in your school days gone by, there will always be a 'playground mentality' of a minority of parents. The looks. The gossip. The cliques. Remembering you are an adult, and not becoming the ring leaders next target just from being yourself, keep on with your head held high, and know that not everyone wants to be your friend just because of the 'similarities of circumstances'.

I can guarantee though that you will meet some amazing women. The kind of woman that has an inner strength of a thousand World's Strongest Men, the ability to see the lighter side of life, the humour to make others smile on a down day,  and who multi-tasks beyond belief - and usually all before 11am!
Hold those friendships close. Even the most positive mother will have some dark days. She will be relying on her close friends to be there for her, even if she is trying her hardest to hide that fact.
The world of special needs is always easier when you have someone else living there too.

Change the outlook, change the attitude, change the future

Over the last few decades society has been forced to look at and accept that people with mental disabilities do exist.
These people can either have their disability from birth (whether it was noted at birth or later on in childhood when milestones were not being met) or acquire it through illness or accident.
What did our ancestors do with their offspring who presented with a learning difficulty? For some they had them put in a mental institution, perhaps from a very young age, and others kept them under house arrest, away from prying eyes and gossips.

These children, teenagers, and adults were not integrated into society for fear of the response of others. A lack of understanding, embarrassment, and accusations of blame were more than likely levelled to these families, and so to keep their social standing, these children and adults were hidden away.

There are many reports that those mental institutions were harsh and unkind to their residents, with beatings, painful 'human guinea pig' tests, and uncaring staff making the lives of those people even more of a struggle.
Quite how we as human beings thought it just and right to be so cruel and hurtful to people with special needs is beyond me.
But then there is always the fear of the unknown, and fear breeds hostility and resentment, and human beings can turn on each other for the slightest thing.

Thankfully my generation is learning about it all, and that no matter what the disability, we are all human, we all breath the same air, we all have blood pumping through our veins, and we all deserve to live a life without prejudice, pain, or contempt.
But, even though the majority is now aware of disabilities, it does not stop the stares and the judgment from a certain sector of people.

Steps still need to be implemented or improved upon in cracking down on those in society who thrive on bullying those more vulnerable. Police need to wake up and do the job they took the oath on, instead of side stepping their duties, as was seen in a recent case in the press. Judges and the CPS need to wake up to the realisation that harassment, bullying and intimidation upon those in society that need more protection can only be achieved by having a hard and strong line that prosecutes and punishes (not with a measly community service order) and shows others thinking of following in their peers footsteps, that it is not acceptable and it will not be tolerated.

If we don't continue to push forward, expose the reality, punish those who bully and intimidate, improve the services that provide care, respite and advice, and shout loudly and proudly that having a child with a disability is in no way a bad thing then we will not continue this journey out of the dark ages where we one day will see equality and social freedom ( from prejudice and hate) being the norm.


I originally posted this blog entry back in October 2010, but feel it warrants another airing, especially in light of the whole sorry saga of Collin Brewer.

The New School Looms Ever Closer

I was doing okay. I managed to get through J's Leavers Assembly with no tears.
I felt I was 'there', ready and accepting that he is moving up to secondary school.

Last night I went along to a parents evening introduction at the new school. It was a chance to meet the teachers, and learn about how the curriculum is tailored towards the individual special needs of the children.
I had an in depth chat with the art teacher, and am extremely pleased that they have art club at lunch break. I imparted my hope of J being given lots of opportunities to explore different art mediums, and to develop his expression from within his silent world.
The art teacher even recognised our unusual family surname and linked it to a famous artist - distant relation. That impressed me!
As J's grandfather was a talented artist as well, more modern art than traditional, I do wonder if the talent has passed through the genes.

As I drove home from the meeting, I began to feel sad. Sad that my little boy is now a young man. I did however stop the maudlin and take myself back to the positive mum I like being. I presumed that was my wobble and it had passed.....

Today however, J came home with a goody bag. It had a certificate of his 'graduation' from his primary school, some photos, a memento t shirt, and a lovely black, leather bound autograph book, embossed with the school name, on the front.
Inside, the pages were filled with messages, and good lucks, for him, from the staff. All were so lovely, and many incredibly poignant.
And that was it. That's what finally brought the tears.
My Boy has made such an impression at that school. The close knit, loving environment he has been cosseted within, is no more.
I know he needs to move up, to be given more challenges and experiences. But it is so sad for me. Not for him though ; He will adapt so quickly, and settle well, that I trust.

He is growing up.

A new chapter will begin. And of course I shall be blogging all about it!

Collin Brewer has finally Resigned!

Finally common sense and moral decency has won.
That disgraced MP for Cornwall, Collin Brewer, has resigned.
I have blogged pretty much all about his attitudes, opinions, ignorance, and stoic arrogance before.
You can read it all here - page opens in a new window ;

Post 1  Post 2  Post 3  Post 4


The following text is taken from The Cornish Guardian ;

No Author has yet been attributed to it-

The news comes just days after he was found guilty of breaching the Councillors’ Code of Conduct for what Cornwall Council said were “grossly offensive” comments about disabled children following an interview he gave to the Disability News Network have.

The authority condemned his remarks comparing disabled babies with deformed lambs as both outrageous and grossly insensitive and entirely inconsistent with the standards expected of a Cornwall councillor.

The report issued this week concluded Mr Brewer had seriously breached local government code of conduct rules and imposed sanctions that have made it impossible for the Wadebridge councillor to carry on in the job.
The 69 year-old first stood down in February after it was revealed that in 2011 he told a worker for Disability Cornwall disabled children should be “put down’’ as they cost the council too much money, remarks that caused nationwide outrage.

But he stood again in the May elections and won the Wadebridge East seat by four votes.
A few days later he gave an interview to Disability News journalist John Pring, when he compared disabled babies to deformed lambs, which prompted the Cornwall Council investigation.
Stephen Knightley, who narrowly lost the Wadebridge East seat to Mr Brewer in May, said yesterday: “Collin must do the honourable thing and resign. His remarks about disabled children have done Wadebridge and Cornwall no good at all.

Richard Hawkes, chief executive of the disability charity Scope, added: "The Councillor’s ill-judged and insensitive comments on disabled children demonstrated that he was clearly not fit for office. The council is right to find him guilty. We believe he has made the right decision in stepping down.

“Luckily such sickening views are rare. But almost a year on from the Paralympics disabled people tell us that public attitudes towards them remain an issue.
"Disabled people are concerned about the impact of scrounger rhetoric. We need to re-open the debate on attitudes to disability.”

About time. We all share this planet. No-one has more rights than another. If we stopped with the prejudice and hate, it would be a far more beautiful place to live.

Horse Riding for the Disabled

J was awarded a certificate and medal yesterday, for his improvement in horse riding.
He attended nearly every week with his school, but now the summer holidays are nearly upon us, and with his transition to secondary school in September, he may not have an opportunity to ride again.

The medal has his name and date engraved on the back.
A note book was also given to me, which recorded each session he had, what he had done, any new skill he had mastered such as "woah" to slow the horse, and the joy he expressed when on the horse.

J loves nature and animals, so being outdoors, sitting aloft a horse, trotting around, he would be in his element.

I have disguised the riding school's name for privacy reasons, and have covered his name for the same reason.

Carbon Copy Drawings from the Autistic Mind

J has been producing dot patterned pictures for quite some time. I noticed that he would finish one piece of paper, and then move straight on to another clean sheet, and draw the dots on nearly the exact same locations.

 

I collected up various sheets lying around the house, and decided to photograph them, to see if they really were nearly carbon copies of each other.

Instead of posting a tonne of pictures up here, I have shown one example. Each piece is separate, and was drawn at different times.

 

I had to invert the colours to be able to show the dots more closely, as he uses very light pen marks to do it, and with my camera, they were not showing up at all well.

 Despite me doing that, a fair few of the dots are not showing up, but this does give the gist of what he is doing.

 



These dot designs are a near daily activity for J. When he is in the middle of one, he is so swift with the pen. I am fascinated by his almost photographic memory of where the dots go, and how many in each area.

 

It's just another marvel in the autistic world, and I'm glad I can document it, so I can look back and be reminded of all his lovely quirks.

The Last Award Assembly at School and an Impromptu Comedic Performance

My Boy has such a character about him.
Today at school, he received an award for excellent work during this week. Each class has one child that receives this 'award', and Friday afternoon they have a special assembly.
The reward is not anything literal, it is just a chance for the child to place their photo on the excellence tree.

Over the years at this school, J has progressed from disliking assembly time, to loving it.
In the beginning he took no interest in the award part, and would stand up in front of the others, looking vacantly around.
Today was the last time he would receive this award, at this school, due to him transitioning to special education secondary school.

I am pondering as to whether he understands that he is leaving the current school, due to him visiting the new school regularly over the last few weeks, and so took it upon himself to give everyone a farewell memory of him.
When his class teacher held the mic to talk to us all about why he was receiving the award, he was dancing about. Then, when she had almost finished speaking, he took hold of the mic and began to do his noises and phrases that he does when he's happy. It was so funny to see and hear, and staff and children laughed at his comedy performance. He's never done that before, which is why I am thinking he knows he's leaving.

J knows how to leave an impression!